Recently I’ve been working with “Ken” who is seriously overweight. He’s about 5’8 but weighs well over 300 pounds and, as you might imagine, this is a real problem for him. However, it’s not a problem we’ve been working on. It’s actually well down the list.Ken had it pretty rough growing up, with abandonment, brutal beatings and verbal abuse by his various caretakers, sexual abuse, you name it. All of these factors have contributed to a rather unhappy adult life, and we have been working steadily on discharging the negative emotions and beliefs intertwined with Ken’s traumatic memories.
After one particularly productive session Ken found himself “bingeing” all during the week. He was feeling very upset with himself and hopeless about ever returning to a normal size, so I came up with some homework for him around food.
Like most addictions, over eating is essentially a tranquilizer, used to quell deep down anxiety. As he begins to feel stronger, less anxious and more peaceful, Ken’s need to comfort himself with food will gradually disappear.
The problem is that his “tranquilizer” is generating its own anxiety! A classic vicious circle.
I asked Ken to notice every time he finds himself scarfing down the comfort food. Instead of struggling to stop himself, his task is to embrace that underlying desire to nurture and care for himself, and tap something like the following:
“Even though I’m eating this tub of ice cream, and I know it’s not really good for my health, I deeply love and completely accept myself, it’s been a rough day and I just need to feel better right now” and then as he tapped the points “eating this ice cream….I need some comfort….it’s been a hard day…..I love and accept myself anyway….this ice cream…etc.”
The idea is just to recognize that urge to take action to feel better. This “I’m going to eat sweets to feel better” program was probably adopted when Ken was pretty young, just a small child. Instead of battling against it with will power, the idea is to sidle up next to it and put his arm around its shoulders, so to speak.
The message is “Yes! It’s tough out there and we really want to feel better right now! And I love you for sharing that with me, we’re on the same side”. This is an honest and genuine message, because really it’s just the method for feeling better that’s in question.
Now even if Ken does this wholeheartedly, he’s liable to also feel a familiar sense of self-disgust or even self-loathing. He knows very well that ice cream is hurting him and feels angry, powerless and hopeless about not being able control his eating. And this is another level to tap on.
This “I’m going to hate myself healthier” program was likely adopted later on, possibly in the teenage years, but the motivation is actually just the same—to nurture and care for himself. Unfortunately this battle for control with the younger (and more powerful) “Eat sweets” program creates enough stress and anxiety all on its own to keep Ken bingeing.
I suggested a second and later course of tapping, something like this:
“Even though I’m so disgusted with myself for eating that ice cream, I deeply love and completely accept myself for wanting to be healthy and for wanting to take better care of myself.” And then tapping the points “This self-disgust…this desire to be healthy…this self-loathing…it’s been a hard day…. this need to take better care of myself…etc.”
So eat the ice cream. Enjoy it! And tap in appreciation for that desire to feel better, to nurture yourself. And then tap like crazy on any self-disgust that comes up. Tap in appreciation for trying to take control of your health, for trying to take better care of yourself.
I’m not suggesting this is all that’s required to lose weight, but it might take care of the issue enough to tackle the more fundamental issues. And as your anxiety is tapped away, the desire for that ice cream will go with it.
